So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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