I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
