I could make wine with my vomit
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
