Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
