Got a toothbrush?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
