absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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