does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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