at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
i think we sleep fucked last night...
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize