At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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