Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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