another moral hangover. fuck.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
