did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
