Already got asked if we're dating
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
