you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I wear drunk well.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
