is your mom at the bar?
there's paper in my vomit.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
