i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
