Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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