I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
