i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize