Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
