girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
