I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
