haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
