He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
