My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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