Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
