wanna go halves on a baby?
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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