I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
