Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
