Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I deserve this hangover.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
