What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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