Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
