I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
is wine microwaveable?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Randomize