I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
