she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
My vagina is very pro this idea
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
