see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Alive.
So much puke
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
