Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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