fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
