please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
