he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
