party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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