If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
