Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
