Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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