She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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