I cockslap morals
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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