We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Randomize