I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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