Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
