Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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