The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
