At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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