I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
