Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
it glows. i had to have it.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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