I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
