she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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