ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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