I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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