And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You are the jesus of drinking
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
