so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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