Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
We had to coat check the pizza.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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