Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
