I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
