Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
