i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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