somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
