You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
