I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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