Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
