There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
