Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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