I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
