The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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