He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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