Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
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