ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
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