I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
