Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
