I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
