We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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