She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
