Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
