i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
