i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
