So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize