Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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