I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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