That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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