remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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