She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
