omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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