ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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