I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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