i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
