don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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