I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
