party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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